Case Scenarios and Issues

There are three key issues to always consider:

Who is the person making the request or demand?
What are your obligations and agreements with this person?
What is the nature of the request?

Direct and Indirect Communicators

As the poet Vergi'ls adage indicates "Audentes fortuna iuvat. - Fortune favors the bold." In fact, if there are two things that this work encourages is for indirect communicator to be more forthcoming, and the direct commuicator to listen with greater discernment.

When we hide who we are we are showing ourselves to be afraid to ask for what we want. Two major influences affect all of our communications: safefy and power. People who state what issue they are having and can present a solution or ask for input to a solution are often unfairly judged as pushy. Yet, they probably spend less time getting to the point. It does not mean that of itself, indirect communication is bad or wrong, but between two indirect communicators, also known as Relators, the communication protects them both from having to reveal any strong desire or preference and therefore not take responsibility when the request is not fulfilled. Resentment is likely.

Inflamitory Language

There is an old saying that goes, "if you are going to shake your fist, make sure you are ready to throw the punch." When extending that metaphor to the choices of our verbiage, wouldn't it be a good idea to make sure that when you say or write certain words or phrases that you really mean to follow through 100% of the time!

Usually, people use some words that sound intimidating or forceful or threatening to motivate someone or some group that they view as recalcitrant (resistant or defiant) and scare them into compliance with the demanders wishes. This method of communication is often used by the Dynamo style of communicator who is acting in a power driven fashion.

Humor: When it reveals our commonality OR condemns our differences.

Laughter is the tell tail sign of humor. But whether or not that laughter puts us at ease and raises our spirits directly from the intent of the message. If we feel calmer or a little bit more at ease with ourselves or another, chances are that some acknowledgement or shared Grok occured that caused our juice to decline with each other.

Yet not all laughter is mirthful (uplifting), nor all humor bridging. Spite and resentment can easily masquerade under one guise of humor called sarcasm. Sarcasm, no matter how well veiled, tend to leave us feeling uneasy and timid about the meaning of what was just said. Often, it is not even the words themselves that state the message, but rather the tone of voice, inflection, or timing of the statement's delivery that reveal the deeper intent. In such cases, espcially when one is calle to task abou such statements, a dismissive "just kidding" is issued to cover the tracks of the kidder.

Gossip and Secrets

Where their is a secret, there is shame about its being revealed. Gossips love to find out and share secrets. Gossiping is almost always delegated to the informal channels of communication in an organization.

I differentiate privacy from secrets though, to the person who wishes the privacy, there is some fear of retribution that might occur when others learn of it. For this purpose, I directly refer to actions or beliefs that could be told but there is a perceived sense of threat or loss attached to them.

Start with Requests

No matter who you are, a smooth delivery of a request is often better received and engages the listener than a demand or a threat. Unfortunately, all too often, we have been conditioned to hear calm requests as meaning "low priority" and hence we ourselves ignore the first petition. Later, when the inquirer comes back angry or frustrated that we have fulfilled the request, we have contributed to the situation.

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